Transformative Power of Self Care 

The Transformative Power of Self-Care

"Self care is not about self-indulgence. It's about self-preservation."
-- Audrey Lorde

Self-care is about nurturing yourself on all levels -- physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually -- so you can live, love, and parent optimally.

Recently my friend Megan, mom to Mateo, three, and Alea, one, shared how frustrated she was feeling. Exhausted from staying up until two a.m. the night before to do laundry, she had skipped breakfast and lunch, was surviving on nothing but coffee, and had been beating herself up all day about not getting a homemade meal over to her neighbor, who had recently lost her father. As she and I visited, we realized we would never imagine denying our children sleep or nourishment, being judgmental of them or allowing them to ignore their emotional needs.

Yet, as mothers, we do this to ourselves on a daily basis.

The same love, gentle care, and compassion we offer so generously to our little ones should be extended to ourselves as well. We teach our children about self-worth and honoring one's value through our actions, not our words. Modeling self-love and self-acceptance is the most effective way to have a powerful impact on a child's self-esteem and how they view themselves.

What are some simple ways you can begin nurturing yourself and start making self-renewal part of your everyday life? Depending on the age of your children, this will vary greatly. Try focusing on one area of self-care at a time; which one is calling to you right now?

Physical Care

• Nourish your body by eating healthy and energizing foods that make you feel great.
• Get enough sleep, take naps, and drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.
• Exercise to replenish your energy and manage stress.
• Take time to enjoy and nurture your body: take a hot aromatherapy bath or give yourself a foot massage.

Emotional Care

• Have a heart-to-heart with a close friend or mentor.
• Have kind and loving thoughts about yourself--try not criticizing yourself for one week.
• Seek out support from a therapist, coach, social worker, or counselor.
• Write down your feelings and thoughts in a journal.
• Go on a fun date alone or with your partner or organize a monthly girls' night out.

Spiritual Care examples

• Take time to be by yourself to think or write.
• Take a walk in a park or out in nature.
• Meditate, pray or just reflect on what you're grateful for.
• Do something creative: paint/draw/write/dance/sing.
• Volunteer for a cause you're passionate about.

Mental Care examples

• Read a good book or see an intellectually stimulating movie.
• Learn a new hobby or skill.
• Sign up for a class, group, or workshop on a topic that is interesting to you.
• Challenge yourself to learn something new -- get out of your comfort zone.

Almost any mother will share with you how pervasive ideals like good mothers always put their families first, motherhood is pure bliss, you just have to let your body go when you become a mom or good mothers are completely selfless abound in our society.

These beliefs run deep -- even if they're not on a conscious level and you don't buy into them -- and can have a profound impact on how we view our roles as mothers and women. Realize this and be aware that the concept of self-care may feel foreign and difficult to embrace at first, to say the least! (Many moms with infants know that even taking a shower or going the bathroom when you need to, are forms of self-care when you're in that early survival mode).

Having grown up with a mother who suffered from depression and struggled constantly with self-worth and self-esteem issues, I am motivated to make self-care an important part of my life so I can model this behavior for my son. I want him to see the value of practicing self-care and how it can positively impact how he feels about himself and others.

After you taste the benefits of focusing on your self-care, hopefully, you'll begin to schedule time for self-nurturing just like you schedule doctor or dentist appointments. You'll discover that it is integral to your emotional survival and that you are wiser and more effective in all areas of your life when you take time to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.

The journey to making your self-care a priority (and understanding how life-altering it can be) doesn't happen overnight. Many women who initially equate self-care with selfishness may require a shift in thinking to make this an everyday practice. Be gentle, compassionate, and understanding with yourself and know that you are doing the best you can wherever you are on your journey. And surround yourself with friends and supporters who also believe in the importance of self-care.

What do you need to live, love and parent optimally?

--by Renee Peterson Trudeau